Today's what?, the 18th January and already the landscape of the forthcoming year is looking decidedly hazy. On Thursday of last week I was summoned to a meeting where I was informed that I was about to lose my job. Redundancy. Another name for being sacked. I have strange, mixed feelings about this scenario. Part of me really doesn't care because there are aspects of my job that I simply loathe. On the other hand, sur le autre cote, as the French would say I enjoy the work I do and the people I work with. The decision isn't mine and I can't affect it one way or another. Until it is finalized I am in limbo - kind of. I've already started looking for alternative jobs, I have an interview with a recruitment agency on Monday evening and I've sent off loads of cvs already. Soon I will have a new job. Perhaps this is time to take stock of the situation. During my recovery period I heard the phrase, Madness is doing the same thing twice but expecting different outcomes. I know this is reference to drug use but it is applicable to other things in life, too. Perhaps the kind of work I do isn't really for me. Let's face it, I fell into FM work, I didn't really choose it. Perhaps I should really take stock of what has happened over the past 8 years and give it an honest appraisal. I'm not doing that now but in the next few days I will.

Tuesdays seem to be loaded with more and more work and today is no exception. If you don't work from when you get in until when you go home you're not going to get your work done. Simple as that. Today, for example, and this is only an example I've so far done the following. Updated Risk Assessments, Checked three flats, walked the floors, had a meeting with all the tenants, met with a guy called John from the Alzheimer's society, checked on attendance, distributed appraisal forms, sent emails about the work needed in Gauguin, met with an engineer from Orona and it's still only 1.30. Get the picture?

I've read three books this year; The Peripheral by William Gibson, Road Side Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Claire North. All are science fiction and all are really good. I must confess to being a massive fan of William Gibson who I feel can do no wrong and who's Spook County is one of my favourite books of all times. However, I have to say that Claire North's novel is a m a z i n g. It was a book that I picked from my book group as part of a thing we call secret librarian that we do at Christmas whereby everyone gets to read a book that is picked by someone else and gift wrapped. This is a fast paced novel that works on many levels. It's a science fiction classic themed around reincarnation, it's a detective novel, it's a spy novel and, more importantly it's a who dunnit. The amazing thing is that it works on every single level and the writer is able to carry off the most complex plots with aplomb. I loved it and will be reading more from her. As a synopsis the story is obviously about Harry August a boy born after a rape of a domestic by the head of the house. Harry was born in 1919 and at the end of his life finds out that he is in many respects immortal as he is born again to live his life with the memory of his previous life in tact, fully by the age of 4. Armed with this extraordinary talent enables him to navigate his lives in ways most of us can only dream of. He has adventures and experiences that are wonderful and terrible and and. The story moves through with the assistance of a plot that is the primary link between lives, especially latterly. We are introduced to the Cronus Club, an organisation that looks after those who are of a similar predisposition thought to be about 1 in a million. This club enables people to pass messages up and down time and allows the message that the world is coming to an end to come down to Harry. This is at the end of Harry's 12th life just before he dies. A seven year old girl comes to see him on his deathbed and explains that he has to pass a message down through time that the end of the world is coming and it's coming quickly. You have to read this.

I'm filled with the idea now that something major is going to happen this week. Let's face it last week was massive in its outcomes because of the Charlie Hebdo stuff. This week I think it's going to be about me and unless I'm mistaken me not having a job here any longer. I'll not go into the details as it would be too boring but I think the way things are shaping up I would be very surprised to find myself still in gainful employment this time next week.

Another day, another dollar in debt - as the expression goes. Work is what work is these days - a lot of nonsense but the important thing that happened today was that I had to attend a meeting of the erstwhile TA of Myatts Field South to discuss. This was, according to the agenda to discuss the letter from Councillor Matthew Bennett that outlines that the communal heating that we kind of enjoy is about to be switched off in June. Kate Hoey was there but I'm not sure why and there was an awful lot of nonsense spoken. It did transpire that the cheapest option - in terms of lifecycle - would be to have a communal heating system but that ain't going to happen. It looks very likely that we need to be on the ball and have a combi boiler fitted as soon as possible. That means being ahead of the curve and getting it done quickly.

So what do I do then? I think I'm going to have to be more disciplined otherwise all will be chaos. One of my big problems at the moment is that I'm finding it really difficult to get up early in the morning, the time I've traditionally used for meditation and gym stuff that leaves the rest of the day free for everything else. I'm going to try and begin the morning stuff again and see how that goes. If I'm successful then I can perhaps leave the evenings for my MSc and other bits and pieces.

Serious stuff, I suppose, this making of lists of things that I do. Celine asked that I do this so here goes. Things I do. Work Gym Book Group MSc Dementia Care Matters Cook Shop Yoga Tai Chi Cinema The question is which ones do I give up?

So I suppose it's on days like this that one does the inevitable; writes down loads of shitty things that they are never going to be able to achieve, like giving up smoking, drinking, eating, fatting, farting and a million other present participles. Few succeed which in its own right is not that surprising as we all wish we were better by shedding off those things we perceive as being contrary to our perfect selfs. Personally I would like to spend more time sitting - as in meditating as I feel that this is one of the major areas of my life that I neglect to my detriment, and interestingly I think that this would enable me to do that other thing that I simply don't do enough of which is in being reflective. We run through life one way, forward, we hustle, we bustle and we move forward in time. The traffic goes past us as we move along the streets and it's gone. My journey on an almost daily basis takes me from here, home, along the Brixton Road to Brixton Tube station and down it's wide mouthed entrance onto a choice of two platforms. They both go in the same direction - North, and I sit in one of two carriages that will allow me access to the Northern Line simply by going across the platform at Euston. At Camden I generally get off and out, and walk from there to Belsize Park, stopping most often for coffee at Tower 47 in the Chalk Farm Road. I hardly ever think about this, about what it means, about what it says about me and what I do. I just hustle through to the next thing and the next and the next. What's suddenly given me pause for thought is that I've now been doing this for more than a year, a whole year of walking, sitting, tubing and drinking coffee day after day after day. If it hand been filmed and speeded up one would get a slightly jittery film of a person performing a repetitive act through a landscape of differing weathers being completely ignorant of everything but the next step including the last.

New Year's Day. Slept late - not too late, 9.30. Still have this cold thing with a cough that Celine seems to have adopted,too. Breakfast like pilgrims- bread, Christmas Jam and cardamom tea. I'm still working my way through The Peripheral which fills me with a kind of dread of finishing it as it will make me consider the implications of the Jackpot. Tonight we're going to see Birdman which I'm really looking forward to.